Ban those e-cigs! Ban Ban Ban, cigarettes are here for the rest of your shortened life! We don’t care about long term studies proving the benefits of vaping over smoking cigarettes. We don’t care that tobacco sales in adults and youth are at an all time low. Those millennial hippies are taking our tax dollars away from us and we’re not going to let them live! literally……….
If that doesn’t sound like the dumbest shit that you’ve ever read, please stop reading now. Just go fill up your glass with some ice-cold Brando and set your DVR to record that new Holmes & Watson movie. Because this dumb fuckery is exactly what’s going on in sunny San Francisco. In a new attempt to recover lost tax dollars politicians in the Bay Area have rallied together asking for a ban on flavored e-juice and all e-cigarettes. Why let facts and research get in the way of an embarrassing debt bailout. When you can just use time tested scare mongering and go under the ruse of “protecting our children!”
Do you honestly think that marshmallow whipped vodka was created to market towards Jr high schools across America? Or how about Godiva milk chocolate liquor? What about sour apple and peach schnapps? No Sandra, not your kids, not today, not ever. The liquor company's (although I hate being looped into their industry) figured out something a long time ago. Adults love sweet and delicious treats as much as like R Kelly loves swimming in the public pool. From strawberry margaritas to sugar rimmed lemon drops. The bar business is constantly trying to come up with that next new flavor. Something to appease our natural sweet receptors in our eagerly awaiting chromosome one funhouse. Who's house is this, chromosome one house! Who's house is this, chromosome one house!
Years of marketing research and millions of dollars spent in analytics have only proven what my abuela could have told you for free. We like sweet shit, always have, always will. When I started vaping back around 2005 before there were more brick and mortars on street corners than Starbucks. I was a two pack a day smoker. Like most people I had my brand of choice. And I chose to smoke them long daddy Newport 100's in a box.
At the time the only option was to order online and most of it was coming from Chinese sweatshops. You know the ones, it's where your Nike's are made. There was tobacco, menthol and Ry4. A blended vanilla tobacco that as sweet as it was. Inevitably it would give you headache faster than listening to Coldplay. It was the only options we had and I didn't want any of it. I searched and searched for something, anything that tasted like my old Newport's. (Spoiler alert, it's 2019 and I've never found an e-liquid that came close.) But in my journey of searching the deepest corners of the web. A couple of years down the road and hundreds of dollars wasted on 10ml bottles. (Yes, I said 10ml bottles.) I found something out along the way. I didn't want to taste the burning ash of my beloved menthol cigarettes. Instead, I discovered that I loved pineapple, I craved fiery Red Hots and longed for milky creme brûlée.
Vape culture began to grow and for the first time in history the sales of the old cancer sticks shot to an all time low. What most Americans do not realize is that no one really wants big tobacco to go away. The sales from cigarette manufacturers pay for everything from school and state taxes to cancer research and anti-smoking campaigns. So it's no surprise that a dip in these sales would scare the people needing them dollars. And now we have the city of San Francisco acting like Big Worm from Friday. "Playing with my money is like playing with emotions Smokey!" If we are in the game to "protect our children”, I vote we protect them from the lobbyist who are desperately trying to get our youth hooked on a two pack a day habit.